Date: Saturday, March 18, 2000 2:18 PM

Dear Ella V,
I have a problem.  You see, I have a wonderful boyfriend, 
that's 17, and I'm 15.  He's complaining that our 
relationship is getting boring because we never do 
anything.  He's a real sweetheart but I don't know what 
to do.  Also, I met this other guy that's a sweetheart 
too.  But, he's 18.  He's really nice and makes me laugh. 
But, so does my boyfriend.  I don't want to break up with 
him.  My dad won't really let me do stuff because I'm 
only 15 but he doesn't realize that I know what's going 
on and I know how to handle situations if they come up. 
Please help!!!!

Dear Jessica,

I loved your letter and I read it over and over and it brought back memories. I think life would be much happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty five and gradually approach fifteen.

Ella V



Date: Wednesday, April 05, 2000 10:14 PM

Dear Ella V,
Kissing Couple
My boyfriend is now complaing that I complain too much 
and that I can never do anything.  He knew from the 
start that when we started going out that I wouldn't 
be able to do much!  But, my dad is starting to let me 
do more stuff now, and he just has to realize that my 
dad is still holding onto his little girl.  What should 
I tell him?

Dear Jessica,

No one is listening till you make a mistake ... and always do right.

This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Ella V



Date: Saturday, May 06, 2000 8:27 PM

Dear Ella V,

I am wondering about my sister Kay.  She sometimes 
calls herself Charlie. Should we be concerned? 


Dear Chris,

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Ella V



Date: Sunday, May 14, 2000 10:37 PM

Dear Ella V,

My wife refuses to use email at all.  We have our 
computer right here in the living room, but she will 
not turn it on.  Her friends and family (including 
distinguished members of the renowned Voglewede 
family) are beginning to think we are stuck up.  
When I volunteer to send a message for my wife, she 
gets upset and insists that she'll take care of it.  
But she never does.
What can I do?
Confused Computer Communicator
Dear Confused Computer Communicator,

Before you critize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

Ella V

Old Shoe



From: Karen Voglewede
Date: Friday, May 26, 2000 2:28 PM

Dear Ella V,

What did Carl and I do to have all our children - move 
to NORTH CAROLINA? Does this mean we are now parents of 
North Carolineans?  How do you spell that anyway?

Dear Karen,

You have to be born in North Carolina to be a North Carolinean. Progress is important to North Carolina. Think of it , the cost of living is lower, it has the best beach on the east coast and loads of new job opportunities.

The real question is: Why aren't you there?

Ella V

Gov. Hunt



Dear Karen,

Since I last answered your wonderings, I have done indepth research with those of my family who have moved to North Catolina. There is one daughter and one son, their mates and their offspring, and your children and their mates. It's quite an eye opener - even the language is different. And now they're starting to move back to Virginia.

Which dialect do we use - see below - and who do I ask for an answer?

Ella V

----- Original Message ----- 
From, dig dis: Karen Voglewede
Date, dig dis: Friday, May 26, 2000 2:28

Dear Ella V,

Whut dun did Carl and ah' do t'have all our children - 
move t'NORTH CAROLINA? Duz dis mean we is now parents 
uh No'd Carolineans?  How do ya' spell dat anyway?
Dear Karen,

You's gots'ta be bo'n in No'd Carolina t'be some 
No'd Carolinean. 'S coo', bro. Progress be impo'tant 
t'No'd Carolina. WORD! Dink uh it , de cost uh livin' 
be lower, it gots de best beach on de east coast and 
loads uh new job oppo'tunities.

De real quesshun is, dig dis: Why ain't ya' dere?

Ella V



Fire Girl
From: Jennifer
Date: Sunday, October 22, 2000 11:13 PM

Dear Mrs. Ella V,

My name is Jennifer, and I 'm dating your tall, 
strikingly handsome grandson, Paul. I've always 
heard that the way to man's heart is through his 
stomach..... so.... I was just wondering if you 
could send me some favorite Voglewede recipes... 
to keep things spicy!

  Dear Jennifer,

Old cooks never die. They just get deranged and so I would encourage you to check Frau Weide's composition on "How to entice and catch a Bird".

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Mrs. Ella V




From: Carl V
Date: Friday, January 19, 2001 5:41

Dear Ella V,

At lunch the other day, I was asked if the Pope could have a wife to
which I responded "NO"!  I was then asked who the first Pope was and
I responded "Peter".  The wise person (Bubba) then told me that Peter
had a wife (I can find the passage in the Bible if necessary) and he
wanted to know how the system got changed around.  So what is the
deal?  The nuns never told me about the first Pope being married!

Bubba was afraid to ask "EllaV"

Confused but happy,

Carl V
Dear Carl V

Way back, before printing came in, a monk would sometimes spend a lifetime laboriously penning a copy of the Bible.

It hasn't been too long ago, in researching, that it was found that the word "celibate" in the priest's vow was miscopied. The word was actually "celebrate".

Ella V




Blow a Kiss
From: Carl
Date: Tuesday, February 13, 2001 5:41

Dear Ella V,

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Dear Carl,

Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.

Ella V



From: Sharlie
Date: Saturday, February 10, 2001 2:54 PM

Dear Ella V,

I recall a discussion some time ago between you and 
Bertrand about the identity of the patron saint of 
cyberspace.  I now hear that St Isidore is about to 
be appointed, if not by Pope John Paul II, then by 
popular acclamation, to be in charge of helping 
troublesome cases found among Internet users and 
computer programmers.  Isidore cashed out in about
the 6th century.  Do you think this dude is up to 
all this?

kay aka sharlie
Dear Sharlie

St Isidore of Seville! Saint Dot-Com.

Couldn't be any more strange than St Clare as patron saint of television.

Who is patron saint of the stock market?

Ella V

Saints Isidore and Maria

St. Isidore of Seville



From: Ed Mertz
Date: Monday, August 27, 2001 2:17 PM

Dear Ella V,
I think that I would like to run-away from things for 
a bit, and join the circus for a few years. Since I 
am 59 years old I have given GREAT thought as to what 
position would be BEST for me, in the circus. 'LION 
TAMER' came to my mind first- since I have extensive 
experience with 'THE RUDE CORPORATE WORLD'. Since I 
grew-up attending the 'SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS'- this 
would be a perfect fit for me !

After a moment or so- I decided that I don't want to 
do this type of work in the future. My second and 
final choice is to become a CLOWN.  They make people 
smile, don't have a BAD WORD to say about anyone, and 
in general make people feel better about their situation. 
Since, I see so many people complaining about their 
life - here is my chance to make things a bit better 
for everyone.

What is your opinion,

Dear Ed

I feel like a centipede who was asked to put his best foot forward. But, maybe, you could put a sign on your door "Gone Crazy - Back Soon"

Ella V



Date: Tuesday, December 04, 2001 10:56 AM

Dear Ella V,
I am Wede 7's new neighbor, Eva. I have become best 
friends with your #7th child. He has given me advice 
on numerous occasions about how to invest my money. 
I must admit, he is very intellegent. But when it 
comes to money, I get scared. How can I tell him 
that I can not afford to loose any, And not make him 
think I don't trust his judgement? Can U help me, 

Money Dear Eva

I am a Veni, Vidi, Visa person so I never had any experience in investing money. Sounds like I should talk to #7. I guess yo'll just have to take a chance and if you don't succeed - try raising rabbits.

Ella V



From: Kay Wede
Date: Wednesday, December 12, 2001 10:42 PM

Dear Ella V [aka Mom],
I keep my best fishing rod in Great Grandpop's 
umbrella holder, the one he picked up while sailing 
the Great Lakes. My housemates, however, are 
disinclined to appreciate its location in the living 
room. They have separately made unkind inferences. 
As you know, the urn is exquisite and of course it 
is an antique. Plus the pole is red (a very nice 
color) and has been cleaned off for the season. It's 
not like it stinks or anything. 
Do you think I ought to move the pole and urn to the 
garage just to keep peace? 
Dear Kay,

The Great-grandpop may have sailed the Great Lakes but he never held a fishin' pole. You are trying to combine two cultures, one of interior decorating and one of outdoor sports.

The Yiddish say if we all pulled in one way the world would keel over.

Ella V



From: Kay Wede
Date: Saturday, February 23, 2002 7:52 PM

Dear Ella V,
I have a friend that I have known just about forever 
and she just told me that she has recently become 
a "born-again".  Can you explain how a 40 something 
woman can be "born-again"?
Your favorite daughter,

Ponder This Dear Favorite Daughter

I am glad you favor me. I don't know anything about "born agains". In today's world and especially during this season of Lent , this phrase does make me think.

By the way, do "born agains" have two belly buttons?

Ella V



Hear This

From: Joe Baise
Date: Friday, March 8, 2002 1:51 PM

Dear Gamma,

Does sound travel any faster or farther 
in the summer compared to the winter?

Joe Baise

Dear Joe

It makes sense to me that sound travels faster and farther in the cold air because there is less space between molecules, but my consultant says "v = 331 m/s + (0.6 m/s/C)*T" - whatever that means.

Why do you wonder about it anyway, is the baby's schedule not following your plan?

Gamma V



Date: Thursday, October 24, 2002 8:27 PM

Dear Ella V,

I have fallen head over heals for a dear friend of 
mine for over ten years and we also work together. 

Help me please!!!

Canned Ham Dear SusC

I guess I have had enough of people shooting bullets at someone else and I can deal better with people falling in love with someabody they have worked with for many years - even if it is one-sided.

On the other hand, I met someone last week who never cared much for Spam [canned ham] but has grown to love the stuff so much that he keeps a couple of cans in his desk drawer at work. However, this late-blooming change of heart probably doesn't mean much to the pig.

Ella V



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